{"id":887,"date":"2023-05-08T12:54:11","date_gmt":"2023-05-08T12:54:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/?page_id=887"},"modified":"2023-05-10T07:09:38","modified_gmt":"2023-05-10T07:09:38","slug":"edi","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/?page_id=887","title":{"rendered":"EDI"},"content":{"rendered":"<span itemprop=\"description\">\n<p>You will never know what this meant to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-896\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-1200x1600.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_0093-2-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">Cancer<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>I wanted nothing more than to say goodbye in person. With humanity and respect for all that we had.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-900\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-1200x1600.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5431-4-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-white-color has-text-color\">I just notice the change now and I accept it. Was there a change or did I fool myself from right from the start?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-black-color has-white-background-color has-text-color has-background\">I\u2019m going to have to admit to some things if I ever want to heal. You broke me, made me weak and took my self worth. I allowed it all to happen because from the beginning I never really loved myself enough to be in love with someone else. I will be better off moving on from you because in the end, all you are is just another lesson for me. If you were the one, life wouldn\u2019t have sent you to me when I wasn\u2019t ready.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><mark style=\"background-color: rgba(0,0,0,0); color: #ffffff\" class=\"has-inline-color has-white-color\"><strong>I put everything I had into that hug.<\/strong><\/mark><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Cure feat. Mogwai - Pictures of You\" width=\"1200\" height=\"675\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/xzaRc5-lhTU?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p id=\"tw-target-text\">Your messages were not enough because you didn&#8217;t say anything to explain this big change in the way you spoke to me (in the little you said) in your attitude towards me, why you became so aggressive and why you cut off all communication so abruptly. I didn&#8217;t ask for anything other than to exchange the things we had of each other and to say a final goodbye from close to you, like two people who until a few days ago shared their time, their company, feelings, a bed, ideas, goals , dreams and plans for the future. It wasn&#8217;t manipulative. I never wanted to manipulate you, trick you or take advantage of you. Love you. I only wanted the best for you from the day I met you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>The worst part is that the more you hurt me, the more I wanted you to be the one to heal me. The more you pushed me away, the harder I fought to be closer to you. The more you showed me your true colours , the more I denied them, convincing myself that I could somehow make us work. And eventually that\u2019s all it became. Work. It became less about love and more about proving something to myself. Reluctant to accept the painful truth that my heart had chosen the wrong person, again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Emotionally crippled little girls. This one\u2019s for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Emotionally crippled little girls. This one\u2019s for you. You have come in, taken, stolen and abused to validate to yourself and everyone around you a sense of worth and achievement. Your existence is blank, your essence is false and you have achieved nothing. Mistreating people and then avoiding communication is not love. It\u2019s not even good manners, let alone a form of deep connection with the person you supposedly cared about and shared some things with. Even if those things were not that many or did not mean that much to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fuck this. One last conversation that I thought I needed to have with you. I\u2019ve had too many of those already and nothing changed. It\u2019ll just be another opportunity for you to feed me more bullshit that a part of me might have wanted to hear. Enough. I will stop willingly wasting my time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Being on the back burner, being on standby for whenever you feel like it or have time, is not how I want this relationship to be. <mark style=\"background-color: rgba(0,0,0,0); color: #cf2e2e\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-red-color\">You shouldn\u2019t have to clarify that you want to see me?<\/mark> No you shouldn\u2019t. <mark style=\"background-color: rgba(0,0,0,0); color: #00d084\" class=\"has-inline-color has-vivid-green-cyan-color\">I shouldn\u2019t have to keep asking to see you though either.<\/mark> If you wanted you would have. If you do you will. I\u2019ve always made myself available to you and I have said and showed you this repeatedly. You dictate when we see each other and have left me no choice over the matter so you shouldn\u2019t be complaining that you haven\u2019t seen or touched me since Sunday or that you miss me. You have decided this. It\u2019s called prioritising. If we meet once or twice over the week and mainly just text throughout it is because you have decided this. No I do not want us to be together or talk all the time but you have made this decision. There\u2019s obviously a difference on how much each of us want this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"767\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939-1024x767.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-919\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939-1024x767.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939-768x575.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939-1200x899.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/f516c15e-2879-47be-8f1b-784462f67939.jpg 1276w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Whoever gives nothing, has nothing. The greatest misfortune is not to be unloved, but not to love.<\/p>\n<cite>Albert Camus<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-1024x768.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-942\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3698-1200x900.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>There is no intensity of love or feeling that does not involve the risk of crippling hurt. It is a duty to take this risk, to love and feel without defence or reserve.<\/p>\n<cite>William Burroughs<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"768\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-1024x768.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-931\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-1024x768.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-768x576.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-1536x1152.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-2048x1536.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_3983-1200x900.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">I thought I was suffering from not being loved, and yet it is because I thought I was loved that I was suffering; I lived in the complication of supposing myself simultaneously loved and abandoned.                    Roland Barthes<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-939\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-1536x2048.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-1200x1600.jpg 1200w, https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/img_5468-scaled.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\">03\/05\/2023<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Have you ever loved somebody too much?<br \/>Killed &#8217;em with kindness<br \/>Crushed &#8217;em with your touch<br \/>Have you ever held somebody too close?<br \/>Took &#8217;em like a drug<br \/>Then you overdose<\/p>\n<cite>Cave In<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>It is that we are never so defenceless against suffering as when we love, never so helplessly unhappy as when we have lost our loved object or its love.<\/p>\n<cite>Sigmund Freud<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one&#8217;s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.<\/p>\n<cite>Oscar Wilde<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n<span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p class=\"excerpt\"><span itemprop=\"description\">You will&hellip;<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"more-link-p btn-align-left\"><a class=\"defbtn zoom-btn\" href=\"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/?page_id=887\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-887","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry","zoom-theme-has-thumb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/887","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=887"}],"version-history":[{"count":48,"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/887\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":946,"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/887\/revisions\/946"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thespeakinghands.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=887"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}